I shiver as I struggle to write , and with sweat oozing out and trickling down the pen ,  my words appear obscure . As obscure as mind right now , which I cannot in anyway comprehend . It blew storms of vague memories at me and washed me with old fears . Writing was the only way I could bring about a clarity to this disturbance . So I  resolved to write , letting my anguish take the form of words .

When I was a child of about four or five , I'd gone with mom to a carnival . Colours , gait and laughter took me through the whole length of the carnival . We played rides , jumped onto swings and shot down little targets . I filled mom's hands with the large teddy that we won , and for a while wandered away from her tight grip . That's when he saw me  and beckoned me to his side . Within minutes I struggled to breathe as he squeezed his hands against my teeth . I cried for help , but my screams sank . Frantically , I searched for ma from those ocean of heads ... But I was saved . Saved by chance , as I flew back into mom's trembling arms .

Fear had first hit its blow back then - for days together I struggled to trust my surroundings . I wouldn't skittle across rooms with my dolls or smile at a stranger in the street . I greeted the sun with suspicion and the night with fear , as months passed by into years . A gangly teenager with no friends , was my identity soon . But my passion to write grew inside , it flowered words into my otherwise emotionless mind . I wrote for me , and to me . No one ever saw my rack of piled up stories .

Summer break after school went smooth until that day . I had been lost in the power of  a book , as I lay cozily in my bed . It was evening , and ma and pa would only come after eight . Perfectly sure about the room being locked and the windows bolted , I had nothing to fear . But yet the crack I heard downstairs , alerted my senses . A stealthy motion could be picked up my ears . I turned away from
my book to see him . The grocery man down street with a lopsided grin . My screams let loose  , I
threw at him all that I could lay hands on . His arms wide , he advanced . My fear throbbed with the air around me becoming heavy . I blacked out in his presence . I woke up to see mom holding me tight just like that day when I was a child . She told me that I was perfectly fine , and had had a rise in my blood pressure levels . Soon enough , Pa threw questions at me , and asked what went wrong . I told him about the grocery guy - only to hear that such a man never existed .

My head pulsated with pain as I tried to describe his face ." No pa , he stood right there before me . I've seen him before too " . I gasped in air and tried to sound fearless as I explained his features . Pa ,
being a police officer , gave the final word . " No Kate , you're hallucinating . Go hang out with girls of your age more often will you ?"

I write this after that very day , as my eyes replenish themselves with fresh tears - tears of joy . A sense of peace is growing . I feel like I have conquered my fear .  Did that man , or entity , cause this change ? . Yes .
That attack of fear was needed to help me experience that scares that I kept within for so long . I felt happy .

I ran downstairs ." Mom , why not go for a morning walk tomorrow ?."

Mom laughed , " we'll that's a first honey .. Why not for a dip in the beach ?."

" sure ! ."


Plunging into the unknown is life . I was now ready for that plunge .